The Million-Dollar Ideas I Have Had*
- Krueger Slaw. A new kind of cole slaw that keeps all the vegetables the same but substitutes barbecue sauce for mayonnaise. The official spokesman of Krueger Slaw would be Robert Englund in his Freddy Krueger makeup. The official slogan of Krueger Slaw would be, “Krueger Slaw: The slawinest slaw that ever slawed.” And then Robert Englund would growl and slash at the camera, and the commercial would be over.
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS THIS COULD REASONABLY CREATE: $32 million.
- “Fat Kids vs. Rich Kids.” A fake documentary (NOT A MOCKUMENTARY; more like “Series 7: The Contenders”) in which kids at a weight-loss camp and kids at a very tony camp for rich jerks face off in some kind of Medieval Times-like festival for all of the marbles? (NOTE: Figure out what the marbles are.) The most important character is either the fat rich kid around whom the plot focuses or the adorable fat Asian kid who is really good at jousting. (NOTE: Be careful about “armor” jokes.)
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS THIS COULD REASONABLY CREATE: $4 million.
- Krumpkin spice latte. To be honest, I had the name before I knew what it was, but Trey’s idea is really good, so I think that’s the idea. This can’t be widely merchandised, I suspect (or, at least, not as widely as “Krueger Slaw”), which is a problem for millions generation, but I still believe it can generate at least one million (and possibly many more, if major coffee retailers are willing to show some balls).
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS THIS COULD REASONABLY CREATE: $1 million ($500,000 would go to Trey Kerby).
* If you try to steal these ideas and make my millions, I will sue you so fast.
